


I'll lock the door behind me

by Narya



Series: Be my friend, hold me, wrap me up [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Miscarriage, Multi, Polyamory, Talk about guilt and death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 15:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narya/pseuds/Narya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their faces when they saw the room were the best thing she had seen in ages.</p>
<p>Their faces now, when they closed it and locked it behind them, hurt her so deeply she couldn't stop crying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll lock the door behind me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [harlequin421](https://archiveofourown.org/users/harlequin421/gifts).



The room had been an office in the beginning, a place for Scott to keep some of the things he brought home from the clinic. Then it was a guest room for a while, when Isaac came back to town, before he got on his feet.

The nursery came almost as a surprise. It was painted green when Thomas was on his way, green with little wolves playing on the walls. Stiles thought it was hilariously cute.

It went back to an office after her 11th week. They never used it as one, and Scott refused to go inside it for the next two months.

When Jemima made herself know she wanted to keep the room as an office for as long as she could, there was no point on hoping if it wasn’t a certainty. She wasn’t going to hope again. But she did anyway. She found herself looking at charts and speaking to her, thinking of small shorts and little bows and arrows, maybe about buying a puppy when she got bigger, maybe the way she would keep them from having sex by going to their room at 2 am after a nightmare. So she dreamed and she hoped and she found herself cleaning the room and airing it, letting the dust clear out and painting the walls lilac without Stiles and Scott knowing about it.

Their faces when they saw the room were the best thing she had seen in ages.

Their faces now, when they closed it and locked it behind them, hurt her so deeply she couldn’t stop crying.

There were few things that could compare, few things that could even come as close. That time she was called to the hospital because of her mother, maybe, when she felt her knees give up under her as she saw her silhouette under the blanket. Her own guilt back when Scott finally told her the truth about her death and how the vengeance she once felt was her right, was nothing but a betrayal.

Back then she had been misinformed, played and toyed with, used. In her brain that had been excuse enough to keep her from a complete breakdown. It wasn’t exactly her who had hurt her classmates like that, who had tried to kill like that. She had been used. She had been but a weapon.

It was different now.

She had seen them clinging to each other on the couch at night, broken sobs coming from Stiles in a way that had Scott whispering soothing words into his scalp. It broke her heart like nothing else could.

Erica, Boyd and Isaac had been people she didn’t actually know. They were her classmates but they were enemies half of the time, most of it actually. Stiles and Scott were so much more than that. They were her family and she hurt them even without meaning to.

It had been Stiles this time, the one that hurt the most. It had been Scott’s last time. None of them would blame her, but she didn’t need their blame. She had more than enough on her own. She had let herself hope and wish and dream, instead of stopping the farce before it got to this. She wasn’t meant to be a mother, her body wasn’t shaped for it. It was her fault that her children were dead.

Their tears and whispers, and the way that they kept comforting her, as if she wasn’t the problem to begin with, were starting to take their toll. How could they expect her to believe in their words of love and comfort when she could still see the grief in their eyes each time they passed in front of the nursery room?

It wasn’t that she felt unloved, because their love flowed easily; but grief was horrible and she had more than enough. She didn’t deserve their comfort.

The pain on her belly felt nothing like the pain on her heart.


End file.
